Friends at Work
by Boulder the Dragon
Summary: Cuddles and Toothy build a house! This can't end well... One-Shot, comedy fic. Meant as a short break from my more serious stories.


**Random one-shot, 'cause I was bored and wanted to make a comedy fic. Work on my other stories will continue... well, whenever I get my lazy ass to it.**

**Enjoy your daily dose of randomness.**

* * *

"Damn those apartment owners!"

Cuddles sat on a chair in his kitchen, sipping at a bottle of soda. He could hear his friend Toothy shouting from down the hall. He tightened the cap of the bottle and turned to see the beaver speeding toward him with an angered face. "What's up, dude?" he asked, ignoring Toothy's obvious anger.

"I'll tell you what's up! The ceiling! And the sky! But what I'm angry about, is THIS!" the purple beaver screamed, thrusting a wrinkled paper in front of Cuddles' face.

"Whazzat?"

"It's the bill for my stay at my motel room!" Toothy explained, "I got a call from the owner of my apartment today! He says I haven't been paying my rent!"

Cuddles was scratching his head. "And why haven't you?"

"Cuddles, are you retarded? I HAVE been paying the dang rant!"

"The what?"

"The RENT!"

"That's what I thought you said."

Toothy glared at his childhood friend. "What I mean is, he's threatening kick me out of my apartment if I don't pay extra rent! And I don't have that kinda money!"

Cuddles took another sip of soda before turning to the beaver. "So whaddya want me to do about it? And if you're asking to stay at my place, then I got a word for you: NO."

Toothy reached over and stole the rabbit's soda bottle, unclasping the cap and drinking it. After a long gulp, he slammed the bottle onto the table with a bright and happy expression. "No my friend, I've got a better idea! Me and you, are gonna build a NEW house for me!"

Cuddles looked to be in deep thought for a moment, before scooting out of his chair and making his way upstairs.

"Where ya going?" Toothy asked.

"To get my bat. Hopefully I can knock some sense into ya."

Toothy sighed and ran ahead of Cuddles, holding his hands out as if to signal 'stop'. "Look, I know it sounds crazy, but think about it! No more hearing me complain to you about my living issues!"

Cuddles raised an eyebrow.

Toothy went on, "No more of me asking you to stay in your guest room!"

Cuddles crossed his arms.

"... I'll give you twenty dollars."

"When do we get started?" the rabbit asked, turning around and heading back downstairs.

Toothy walked beside his friend and pulled out a map. There was a big "x" marked over a specific location. "See? I've marked our destination coordinates," he said, pointing to the spot he wrote over, "right there, near Lake Flaccid. As far as tools go, I've contacted Handy and he agreed to let me borrow his truck full of supplies."

Cuddles grabbed the map from the beaver. "I don't know which is scarier. The idea that Handy drives a truck," he squinted to a certain spot on the map, "or that we have a lake called Flaccid."

"Then it's settled!" Toothy shouted.

The two friends were already outside and headed to the building sight. After a few minutes, they made their way into a large clearing that was completely empty, save for a brown and beat up truck in the center. In said truck was the brown beaver, Handy. He opened the door and hopped out, passing by Cuddles and Toothy. "She's all yours, boys." he announced.

"Enough about her," Toothy said as Petunia strolled by, "what about the truck?"

"Huh? Oh, she's yours too I guess."

With Handy gone, Toothy quickly leaped into the truck and started fumbling around. Cuddles stood by and watched his friend look for tools.

"Screwdriver, nuts and bolts, pile drivers, skull crushers, twin-torch-vertical-plasma-welder, My Little Pony DVD, a copy of my birth certificate and damn near everything else we need to build a house!" Toothy shouted from inside the truck.

"Ignoring the fact that I've never heard of half the things you just mentioned, how do you expect to build a whole house with just a few simple tool-" Cuddles was cut off as a mountain of ply wood collapsed on top of him.

"With wood!" Toothy yelled. "We'll use wood in order to start work on the project! Of course, the wood is pretty hard, and it may take a while to get it going, but once the wood is done and in place we'll have a great time!"

Cuddles pushed the wooden walls off of him and eyed his friend. "That... was the gayest thing I've heard since my fourth birthday party at Chuck 'E Cheese's." he noted.

"My bad," the purple beaver said, helping his friend out of the rubble. "So, in order to get started, we need to look at the blue prints. And luckily, I have them right here!" As he finished his sentence, he pulled out a blue sheet of paper from his pocket.

Cuddles took the prints from his hand and looked it over. After a while, he turned to Toothy with a curious expression. "This looks unbelievably complicated. How do expect us to do all this?"

"With WOOD!" Toothy shouted from atop a wooden make-shift flight of stairs. "This hard wood will make anything work the way you want it! All it needs is a push in the right direction!"

"Dude, you sound more disturbing than Gumby on crack. Or a drunk Barney. Hell, you're creeping me out more than that purple Tele-Tubby." Cuddles said, walking over and picking up a screwdriver. "Besides, we have NO idea how to get started."

Toothy kneeled down and picked up a wrench. "Ah, but Cuddles, that's where the _skill_ comes in!"

"Well the least we could do is get some help." Cuddles mentioned.

The beaver began stroking a non-existent beard. "Hmm... you may have an idea there. Gather up our pals and let's get to work!"

* * *

Before long, Nutty, the Mole, Petunia, and a peach furred chipmunk with a snow beanie over her head, stood around a pile of wooden blocks and tools.

Cuddles looked to the small group, and then back to Toothy. "That's it? That's all you got? C'mon, dude! We need more help than just a few-" he stopped and looked to the chipmunk. "...and who the heck is this?"

Toothy shrugged. "I dunno. She was just walking by and I asked her to help."

"Only _you_ would find random strangers and ask for them to do manual labor." Cuddles sighed.

Nutty raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Uh, I was promised crips and a sugah drinky-drinky?" the jittery squirrel said.

Cuddles raised an eyebrow. "You mean chips and soda?" he then turned to glare at Toothy. "You bribed them? _Really?_"

Toothy walked next to Petunia and threw his arm around her. "Noooooo, only Nutty!" he defended himself.

"So where's that free concert ticket, hmm?" the blue skunk asked, crossing her arms and eyeing Toothy angrily.

"I'm outta here!" Nutty yelled, stomping away. Petunia soon followed him, angry and frustrated as well.

"Great!" Cuddles shouted, throwing his hands up, "Now all we have with us is the Mole and... whoever that is!" he pointed to the girl with the snow hat. "Look, dude, I don't think this is gonna work."

Toothy slapped Cuddles across the face, seizing his collar and glaring at him. "Hey! That's quitter talk, mister! And what kind of world would we be in if everyone was a quitter, huh? Did Arnold Schwartz-a-what's-his-name quit when he was fighting the Predators and taking down the Terminators? No! Did Raphael quit when Leo was kidnapped by the Foot Clan? No! Did _Gondi_ quit when he was doing his thing? No! Did Optimus Prime quit when-"

"Okay, I get the point," Cuddles interrupted, throwing Toothy's hands away from his collar.

"One more thing Cuddles," Toothy said, "did Avenged Sevenfold quit when their drummer died?"

Cuddles' eyes widened, and he let his hands fall to his side. After a brief pause, he looked to his friend, and said: "Let's do this."

* * *

The day dragged by, as hours and hours were spent in preparation for building the house. Toothy was laying under a large white sheet that was blanketing the entire field, reaching his hand out and asking Cuddles for supplies. The Mole was whacking a hammer against a tree, thinking it was a nail he was hammering in, and the new girl in winter wear was simply standing next Cuddles.

"Nail," Toothy asked, holding his hand out.

"Nail," Cuddles repeated, handing him the item.

"Wrench."

"Wrench."

"Twin-Torch-Vertical-Plasma-Welder."

Cuddles handed him an overly-complicated device. "Twin-Torch-Vertical-Plasma-Welder."

Toothy took the device and hid it under the blanket. "IGNITE!" he shouted, before a flash of neon blue light shined around the blanket.

"Pretty," the girl mumbled.

"Y'know, just for reference, what the hell does that tool do?" Cuddles asked, handing Toothy a swab.

"No idea," the beaver said, crawling out of the sheet and wiping his forehead with the swab. "But it looks cool when you use it, so I'm sure it's something good."

"So," the skater rabbit asked with a grin, "how's it coming along?"

Toothy smiled. "Why don't ya see for yourself?" he asked, before yanking the sheet away and revealing a large, lovely two-story house. It was completely filth-free, and nearly shined in a shining brilliance. The front door was made of extravagant wood, and the windows were a fine, stainless glass. The building seemed totally flawless.

"...Pretty," the girl said again.

Cuddles' eyes bulged as he looked over the house. An air of success was in the air, and the rabbit glomped his friend, shouting "Hell yeah! We did it dude!"

Toothy smirked and gave Cuddles a high-five. The beaver then ran over and shook the Mole's hand, who turned in his direction with a 'WTF' expression. Cuddles leaned over and gave the girl a hug, who quickly returned it with a smile.

"Well, let's check out the inside of the hard wood!" Toothy shouted, rushing inside the house.

"That sounded so wrong..." Cuddles noted, following his friend calmly.

The inside was as flawless as the outside. The almost resembled a celebrity's house, and Cuddles couldn't help but stare in awe. "How did we do this so fast?" he asked.

"The power of the twin-torch-vertical-plasma-welder." Toothy explained.

After a while of observing the house, Cuddles heard a faint ticking sound beside him. His ears perked up in confusion, and he turned to the strange sound. He saw that it was a time bomb, strapped to the table.

"HOLY HOLE IN A DONUT, BATMAN! Dude, Toothy, there's a freakin' bomb here!" he shouted, pointing to the bomb and screaming at the top of his voice.

"WHAT!" Toothy shouted back, quickly rushing to his friend. "What the- that's so random and irrelevant to the plot!"

"Stop breaking the fourth wall, Toothy!"

"It's not me, it's the writer!"

"Cut it out, Toothy!"

"Tell Boulder to re-write that bomb part!"

"Dude, you're making this worst! Just stop talking!"

"But-"

"Shut up, dammit!" Cuddles looked to the bomb and noticed that the timer had only a few seconds left. "Oh no! She's gonna blow!"

"Enough about her," Toothy yelled as Giggles ran by, "what about the bomb!"

"That's what I meant, doof!"

"No it's not!"

"YES IT IS!"

"Yo, Boulder," Toothy yelled at the sky, "what did Cuddles mean?"

**Hmm? What?**

"Hey, author guy," Cuddles shouted, pointing to the sky too, "what's with the stupid bomb thing?"

**...****. What the hell are you guys doing?**

"Besides breaking the fourth wall?" Cuddles asked.

**Well, no s**t, Cuddles. What are you doing talking to me? You're completely de-railing my story!**

Toothy raised an eyebrow. "WE'RE de-railing the story? You started it by making Cuddles find a random bomb!"

"Yeah, and you made up this entire story due to your boredom!"

**Actually, this was meant to be a break from all my serious works. So, I did a one-shot with two characters that aren't Flippy or Flaky.**

"What's wrong with Flippy?" Cuddles asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"Or Flaky?" Toothy asked, raising an eyebrow.

**Nothing! I'm just a little tired of writing about them-**

"And what's with making Nutty sound like he's got a mental condition?"

**Well, that's becau-**

"And who's that random girl with the winter wear? Huh?"

**See, that's-**

"That's it, I'm outta this stupid one-shot! You comin' Toothy?"

"Right behind you, my love!"

"What?"

"Right behind you, Cuddles!"

"That's what I thought you said." And with that, the two walked off into blank nothingness.

**...*ahem* Well, that was certainly... unexpected. If I had a nickel for every time that's happened. Geez, you throw in one irrelevant plot twist for the lolz and your characters turn against ya.**

Scott: They aren't YOUR characters, dude.

**Oh, bite me.**

Scott: I'd rather not.

**Screw you.**

Scott: I ain't gay, dude.

**... I give up.**

Scott: Y'know, now I can't tell if this is the author's note or still part of the story.

**True that. Even I can't tell anymore.**

Scott: Say, what do you think dragging this already ended story out makes you?

**An idiot.**

Scott: And you're half Cuban and half French, yet live in Florida, so with the exchange...

**I'm STILL an idiot.**

Scott: *puts hand on Boulder* Don't put yourself down dude-

**Don't touch me.**

Scott: ...*starts fake crying*

**Hey, don't cry! You're not that good an actor!**

Scott: ... You ass.

**Well, story's over, you can go away now, and while you're at it, buy me some Dr. Pepper.**

Scott: Or not.

**That wasn't an offer.**

Scott: ... I hate you.

**I'm gonna go watch Jurassic Park now. Well, I'm off.**

Scott: Way off.


End file.
